Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
