Me too!
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
