your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
