Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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