six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
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the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
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The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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