$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
