So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
