can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
