Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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