I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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