oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
