Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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