Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
