I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
