I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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