There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize