I must be too annoying 4 u.
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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