Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
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