My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
