just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
