a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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