told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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