i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
