when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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