she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
