dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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