He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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