they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
