i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
