She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
