1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
