I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
