My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
