I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
