I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
