I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
