but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I want you more than these girls want KFC
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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