all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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