I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
