last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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