How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
