I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The struggles of a small town man whore
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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