The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
