There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
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If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
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My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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