the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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