I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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