i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
