I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
