she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize
