You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
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