Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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