Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
