it wasn't lemon gatorade
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
