you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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