Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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