She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My vagina just clenched in fear
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
