I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
