Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
