Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
she peed on how many people?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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