We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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