THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
