Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
