i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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