FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
