she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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