whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i just had sex bonerless
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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