You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
