Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
