You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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