i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
