Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
